Dear Hollywood: Watchmen Edition

Ok, let's take this slowly. We're still friends here, Hollywood. I went to see the Watchmen movie. Let me say THIS: You got it right. Almost. SOOOOOOO close.

First of all, the film was very faithful to the book (save the change of ending, which I suppose was necessitated by the fact that the end of the graphic novel was EXTREMELY out, and modern movie audiences "can't" handle too many story lines). The feel of the film, the cinematography, the selection of shots... the look FELT like the comic. This was great. The dialogue of course, was a little stunted, as is the case when comic book dialogue gets thrown onto the big screen. The acting was fair, and as is always the case when casting "unknowns", it's sorta a crap shoot. So the girl playing Laurie Jupiter was... well... she had great tits. I'll give her that. And when she showed her gams, that was fun. But when she talked or emoted, or any of the other things you expect an actor to do, it was terrible. I fully expect her to have an enormous acting career, specifically because people will go to a movie to see her naked, see her wear slinky clothes, and hope that she doesn't talk. And since the comic was so dense with so many story lines, it is only natural in a movie that nears 3 hours (but doesn't feel slow) that there would be need for leaving out SOME. Ok, so I accepted that going in. HOWEVER...

We have to talk about music, Hollywood. Let me describe to you what movie music is for. A movie score is best when you don't really notice it. It enhances the action/drama of the scene without your brain noticing "there's music playing now". It's the old adage of, if a horror movie is scary, turn the sound(track) off... it'll just look like campy bullshit (unless you're watching Funny Games, which has no soundtrack, and is scary as hell). What are some of the iconic movie scores, you ask? Try the original Star Wars. Great fucking score. Great theme that you remember after you walk out. Great incidental music that is intense as hell, and only helps the story. Like the fucking Ring Cycle of Wagner, here a series of leitmotifs are woven together throughout the entire series, linking characters with song in an AMAZING way. Another? Jaws. Those two fucking notes are scary as hell, and throughout the course of the film, whenever a hint of the shark, or a false hint that the shark is coming around, you get that iconic two note theme. Both John Williams scores... hmmm, funny. I could go on an on (like Saving Private Ryan, another Williams score, or other brilliant scores by Hans Zimmer, Jerry Goldsmith, or whatever, but that's not the point). With Watchmen, Hollywood, you decided to go in a different direction. Since this is a big "summer blockbuster" type movie, you decided to do a little cross-promotion. Just like when your girlfriend makes you watch "Four More Times Hugh Grant didn't do Something", where there is scant moment of minimal scoring combined with a KICK-ASS soundtrack full of familiar tunes and covers to be sold under the film company's record label, Warner Brothers decided to opt out of the gritty score-only format. Now the Tyler Bates original score actually serves the film quite well. More it's the SHAMELESS plugs of "period appropriate" music. Matt Marks already ranted pretty well on this topic, so let me just say this: You kinda get the feeling that the editor wasn't all that convinced of the music selection. I mean, the tunes were inserted literally in the most cliched of possible situations. And the editor didn't really fade the tunes in, or try to build them subtly. Rather, he just left em there. Blaring. And glaring. And that's EXACTLY what it sounds like when, I dunno, 99 Luftballoons... during a fucking RESTAURANT DINNER SCENE. WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING? And as ridiculous as it sounded, and as awkward as it was, YOU LET IT PLAY during the scene, not just to establish it. WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING? SERIOUSLY!

OK. Read Matt's blog. No need to rehash things. But HOLY CRAP did that ruin the movie. I mean, as I said immediately upon leaving the theater, "I hope when they release the DVD, they have anoption to watch it without the shitty cross-over music". Holy balls that's bad. Damn. I do wonder if there was some greedy Warners exec who was like, "We better include lots of these 80's tunes... our record partners have paid a lot of good money to get som shameless plugs". Fuck you, Hollywood. GodDAMNIT.