Just When I Thought I Was Out

In case you were caught unawares, Lackluster has changed its name. Apparently increasingly aware of its growing insignificance, "Blockbuster Video" has rebranded many of its stores "Blockbuster Media". What does this big change mean to you, the avid Gurftastic Blog reader, who surely hasn't ventured into a Lackluster in years on account of my rage, wrath, and ire? Well, not a lot, actually. But because I'm curious, and because I value my own opinions above the fate of the free world, and because I think you have the right to know, I did something that I vowed in this very space never to do again.

I SET FOOT IN A BLOCKBUSTER!!!

Now before you cry "foul" and start seeping feces out of your eyes, allow me to explain:

First of all, I had to get a movie for a particular occassion, and the movie had not arrived from Netflix in time. Secondly, I already knew the movie was not worthy of purchase. Thirdly, the other video stores in a 20 block radius that google described to me, did, upon inspection of their premisis, not exist. So I was stuck. So I walked into the BLOCKBUSTER Media™ "Rock the Block" store in the West 90's (rock the block being I think a corporate term for brick and mortar retail store).

*side note: re: technology
Blockbuster-

You may want to rethink this whole online presence thing... I mean, the first search I ran for "Bloclbuster Media rebrandind" returned 3 employee forums and NONE of your press releases about the big change. Just saying...*

Now some in the Lackluster employee forum sites speak of a fabled Dallas store that has a coffee bar, and lounge in it. Not quite so in the Manhattan branch. Here I was treated to what probably would've been had the Circuit Shitty merger have actually gone through. At the font of the store were 2 or 3 "home theater" displays. By this I mean, an over-priced flat screen tv, and a budget surround sound stereo system. With the proliferation of WorstBuy and other stores like it, I wouldn't think that anyone would actually consider buying a tv system from somewhere like Lackluster. But then again maybe the CEO is right, and people actually are going to the store to rent a movie for well over 5 dollars, only to be confronted with the quandary, "I have nothing to watch it on! Shit, maybe I should buy a tv". If this seems like a plausible scenario to you, I have a toothpaste blotch shaped like the Virgin Mary you may be interested in.

While I think that having a lounge/coffee shop may indeed increase traffic to a store in Dallas, I don't really see people thinking "Blockbuster" when they think "I'd love some caffeine". And I CERTAINLY don't think that selling tvs is going to prove to be a worthwhile endeavor. Let's face it, the peons who "work" at WorstBuy, are somehow still more qualified to sell you a tv than the clods who work at Lackluster.

So let's leave the fact that this is like the 11th worst idea in a row for Lackluster, and focus on the rest of the store. The MEDIA! Yeah!

What I found was that the majority of the store was made up of DVDs to BUY. That's right, two aisles of for purchase, two aisles of previously viewed (read: we are selling our overstocked items, help us triple our profit, please). Along all the walls are the usual 40 or so copies of "new releases", which in my estimation were mostly B movies, and about 4 movies that I was aware had actually been in theaters at some point.

There were three aisles of video games to rent, two to buy. Then there were four SHORT aisles for Action, Drama, Comedy, and Family. Yep. That was IT. Maybe I'm spoiled by the plethora of categories on Netflix (it's almost too much at times, and can get annoying, as most movies are over-categorized and relisted in at least 5 places), but this was a pretty sad showing. And because the aisles were cramped, the DVD's instead of being displayed by their covers, were stacked vertically, to be read by their spines. Yeah. You can imagine how much more of a intuitive, seemless customer experience that makes. It's possibly the worst idea ever. Customers have to bend down just to read what is on the bottom rung. Yeah. Awesome.

So while I relish the demise of Lackluster™, I can't help but feel sorry for the lonely CEO, CFO, and other corporate shills, sitting on their millions per year, tanking a company that is going to tank no matter what "innovations" they try. The proof is there. Blockbuster Video is DEAD. The Blockbuster brand is dead. It's like going to a Starbuck's for an alcoholic drink... it's weird, and nobody is going to do it.

Oh yeah, and umm, like, sorry it's been 6 months since I blogged. I was pooping or something.