Saturday, August 9, 2008

On Sexuality and Subway Sandwiches

Went into Subway today, hoping that a foot-long phallus of meat and
veggies could cure the ache my post-birthday hangover and subsequent
Gatorade-inhale-a-thon had caused. Imagine my surprise when I was
told that they were "out of food". Normal Gurf would've immediately
said something akin to, "Wow, the global food crisis finally hits
close to home". But I was hungover and when that happens my brain no
work so good. It was pretty surreal. Partly because there were
several customers in the franchise enjoying what can only be described
as "food", or I suppose "foodstuffs" if you want to try and get all
syntax police on I. It almost seemed like a hidden camera show.
Here were several people happily munching away, and trying to explain
to me that there's no food. You can imagine that this was hard for me
to comprehend. It was like someone had chosen to run a special
sociological experiment on me. The girl who just got on the subway
has awesome cleveage. Yeah I'm mobi-bloggin' in case you had visions
of me with a desktop workstation, and battery cells all hooked up and
keeping my stream of consciousness flowing.

It was sometime during this period of my hangover that I like to call
the "unusually rare moment of clarity" that I realised something about
the society in which we live. We are just like Ancient Greece.
Here's where of gets a little fuzzy, so bear with me while I attempt
to decipher. Essentially our society has become pretty much saturated
with sex. We have a sex consciousness that is unparalleled with any
that has existed in this modern age. Ancient Greeks, those kinky
fucks, were into all manner of sex, sex parties, and sexual
exploration. Men, women, boys, girls, dogs, goats... Whatever. Didn't
matter. People accepted sex as a natural and beautiful thing, but I
think even more so as an expression of the individuality of the human
experience. I mean, all of their religious stories are about the Gods
coming down from Heaven to pork hot chicks. If that isn't a culture
in touch with sex, I dunno what is.

Flash forward to Britney's vagina. America is literally drowning in
sex. The intertron has made the availability of information on all
manner of sex a few one-handed keystrokes away from anyone willing to
click a button that says they are old enough to view such things.
Everywhere you look we are literally smacked in the sex organs with
sex. Of course here I'm defining the retina as a sex organ, not so
much because you use it for sex, although I'm sure someone has tried
and probably has documented it on the world wide net. No, I say more
because a large portion of what we do to determine what we find sexual
and alluring and attractive involves out eyes. And we are inundated
with sex. It's on every billboard, in the subway, on giant screens in
times square, on the cover of the rags, on magazine stands, it's 68%
(probably more by now) of the content on the Internet, on the news and
even the "news" (sorry, Fox, I know sex sells, but you guys show more
ass per telecast than the Playboy Channel. And showing it to
show how wrong it is is totally not why you do it. You do it because
we want to see it....). It's even in childrens' tv programming. I'm
not talking chimo porn, I'm talking more about always using the most
beautiful people for
Tv, the cutesy kids, who may not be sexual yet, but even still are
grooming your children to value their attractiveness. Yeah.

So is it any wonder with all this around us constantly that our
culture has begun exploring it's... Uhhh... DARKER side. Furries,
beastiality, pegging, body modification, and gender dysmorphia to name
a few in a vast field. I've seen a lot of sick shot in my day. I
mean, way more twisted ass shit than anyone from my father's
generation had ever imagined. You can't honestly tell me your father
had seem something as sick as 2girls1cup by the time he was your
age... And that's INCLUDING the donkey show he saw in Tijuana. And
that's not really the worst thing I've seen, unfortunately. Not that
I beat off to sick shit, more like I watch things like that for
recreation. People actually do find scat sex awesome and want to
partake in it. Not my bag, but I find it fascinating that people are
into things so far outside of what we consider the 'norm'.

And despite what the South and the Christian Right would like you to
believe, everyone fucks, everyone (almost) likes some form of sexual
release, and everyone has a fantasy that really gets them going. The
ultra-conservative minded often are the ones scandalizing the tags
with their sorded and twisted sexual liasons.

So I guess what I'm saying is, my unusually rare moment of clarity
afforded me the vision of a future where you're allowed to give a
transexual prostitute a ride home at 3am and not have it be a huge
scandal.

No comments: