Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Palin
Let's face it. She's a fucking idiot. So yeah, there IS a reason that the McCain camp won't let her hold a press conference. And yeah, there IS a reason she's only allowed on tour WITH him now. And yeah, they ARE freaked out that she's going to be completely incomprehensible on Thursday night. But like... I mean, my feeling is that America kinda DESERVES her. Wait for it... Basically blah blah blah, this is a country of blathering morons. I mean, we "elected" Bush twice. So, it's not REALLY that big of a stretch for me to see us electing McCain and the former Ms. Alaska. I mean... seriously. The fact that people even LIKE this woman boggles my mind. She's a BLATHERING IDIOT. But I guess it's reassuring to know that she's "qualified" to be President. I mean. WHAT? WHAT? The fact that this close to the race the ENTIRE Republican party isn't calling for her immediate removal from the ticket leaves me flabbergasted. That's right. Flabbergasted. I mean... really... REALLY? Wake up America. If Obama had picked, I dunno, your buddy Tom's Mother as his running mate, don't you think the "liberal" media would DESTROY him about it? And yet, the press doesn't seem to mind the fact that she hasn't given a press conference yet. Not ONE. NADA. So, in a way, she's kinda ready to lead. I mean the Bush whitehouse is all about secrecy... maybe the new policy will be "no press". Interesting.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Super Cute
So, I started one of my new teaching gigs today— for those of you who don't know, teaching music to under-privileged kids in town. We set up the instruments, and demo-ed em for the kiddies. The first was a group of 6th graders. During this session, after we'd played the instruments, we let them come and try some instruments. My table was the brass table (obvi). I had a trumpet and a trombone there. Most kids gravitated towards the trumpet (probably because it's like totally the awesomest ever). But one little guy, immediately took to the trombone. He actually made a good sound on the thing, and seemed to fit him naturally. He tried the trumpet, but couldn't make a buzz (a common thread amoung some of the kids, that the trombone buzzed easier, leading to my new theory that trombone is the easiest instrument ever, other than saxaphone and euphonium). Long story, somewhat shorter, all the kids signed up for their top 3 instrument choices, and the kid came up to me and asked, "Will there be enough trombones? I really want to play it. I have to play it. The music is in me".
And I totally thought that was just about the best thing I've ever heard.
And I totally thought that was just about the best thing I've ever heard.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Monday, September 15, 2008
How to be Obselete in Business
Taking a page from Blockbuster's playbook (the one where you keep thinking that jumping into an market that has long since passed you by with old and buggy technology that nobody wants to use is a GOOD idea), Best Buy announced that it is buying Napster. NAPSTER. Remember Napster? Yeah, the one that started it all. Well, fucking Napster, also known as CRAPSTER, which now SELLS songs in the much vaunted DRM-free mode (seems to have really vaulted their business... yeah) apparently needs someone to buy them. Apparently they have 700,000 subscribers. WHAT? Who are these people? My guess is they are the same people who's email addresses end in "@aol.com". I mean, and AOL is going to an ad-based service, no longer offering subscription service, figuring that THAT will boost revenue. But I digress...
Best Buy, the most ubiquitous of big box electronics and more stores seems to be right around that Krispy-Kreme breaking point, where companies have over-expanded so much that they become irrelevant. Best Buy thinks that adding Napster to its ranks will help it expand it's customer base and reach new avenues of revenue. Really? Because you are too lazy to develop your own online music retail site, you figure it'd be easier to buy one with a failing business model? REALLY?
And as Worst Buy's press release was sure to mention (otherwise the author of the article sure as shit never would have), Best Buy is already committed to "wireless technology" adding cell phone stores to all of their branches. Wow. Look at all that technology. Gosh.
What Best Buy doesn't understand is this: They really made a name for themselves in the 90's by selling CD's next to their electronics. Walking into a Best Buy, one will STILL find a huge selection of "today's hits and yesterday's favorties". But buying CD's is so pre-Tower Records on 66th street closing. So some CFO looks at the figures and says, "Music is down 45% from 10 years ago. What gives Al?" Al says, "I dunno sir, perhaps people aren't listening to music anymore. I'll look into it." Al calls Charlene, his former temp with the huge ass, but the cute face who's image he used to jack off to while his kids were sleeping and his wife was out fornicating with the tennis instructor. Charlene now works for BMI records. Al gets her on the line, and she says, "Al, are you insane? People still love music. Probably more so than they used to. We're still making tons of money here. But not as much as we used to. We're used to fleecing the populace for a product at an artificially inflated price. And we would've gotten away with it to, if it wasn't for those damn kids, and their Napster or whatever it is they're using to download music". So Al asks his assistant Silvia what the HELL that all meant. Silvia, a recent Harvard grad with a spurrilous wit, tosses aside her golden blond locks that lay on the shoulder pad of her DKNY Clinton-esque pants-suit, and says, "Al, really? Today, with the advent of the internet, people are able to put music on their computers." Al, now frantic calls his son Toby. Toby is good with computers. Toby can't answer, because he's in school. But Toby showed Al how to "text". Remembering that "the Tobster" is in school during the day, Al shoots him a text which reads, "How do i doenlid musiv." Toby responds, "Lol. Get Napster". BINGO. Al's heard that word twice. Good enough for him! Little did he know that Toby only said "Napster" because he figured explaining to his dad AGAIN about how iTunes works, or god-forbid trying to explain Bit-Torrent would end up with him not allowed to watch the plasma for 4 days like it did last time he called his dad technologically-declined. So Toby figured Napster would be easy to explain and so he followed up with "google it". After 20 minutes of figuring out how to respond to a text to say thanks, Al fires up America Online. After reading the top headlines, he types into the search bar, "napster", and is eventually taken to a link to Napster's site. A few minutes of low intensity browsing go by. Several ads for porn pop up. Al clicks a few that feature secretaries with big asses and cute faces. Then he realizes that they monitor his work computer browsing. He's not sure how. He figures there's a camera in his office. Satisfied that Napster is indeed a way to download music based on all the things he's read on the website, and based on the number of hits for news stories he's seen (not paying attention to the date), Al makes the call to the CFO. "Jim, I've got your answer. It seems that people are upploading music off of the internet, and downloading it from CD's onto their computers, and then wirelessly on their... on their.... they have iPods." Jim listens intently. "Sounds technical. What do we do?". "Well," continues Al, now ready for his big reward, "there's a company called Napster that specializes in internets. They've got a store set up already on one of em. I say we buy them, and then people will do their music from us". "Brilliant. Al, I don't know how you keep up with all this, but you deserve a raise. Congrats". "Thanks Jim! I'm going out for Taiwanese whores after work to celebrate, you in?" "Can't tonite, Al, it's Jamie's Catilian ball. Lot's of underage ass around, wouldn't miss it. Think one of her friends is kinda into me." "Go get her, you old dog!"
I'm pretty sure that's about how it went. I guess what I mean to say is, BUYING OUTDATED TECHNOLOGY THAT SUCKS THAT NOBODY USES AND IS ESSENTIALLY THE JOKE OF THE MODERN TECH WORLD WILL NOT IMPROVE YOUR STANDING AS A TECH-SAVVY COMPANY. When you start advertising your new music store "powered by Napster", I don't think it's name-recognition will do you any good. Since it sucks. I mean, like 10 years ago, it was a name. Yeah. So I mean, you're right on track. Your company colors are the same as Blockbusted, I guess your business decisions are being made by the same monkeys. Enjoy!
Best Buy, the most ubiquitous of big box electronics and more stores seems to be right around that Krispy-Kreme breaking point, where companies have over-expanded so much that they become irrelevant. Best Buy thinks that adding Napster to its ranks will help it expand it's customer base and reach new avenues of revenue. Really? Because you are too lazy to develop your own online music retail site, you figure it'd be easier to buy one with a failing business model? REALLY?
And as Worst Buy's press release was sure to mention (otherwise the author of the article sure as shit never would have), Best Buy is already committed to "wireless technology" adding cell phone stores to all of their branches. Wow. Look at all that technology. Gosh.
What Best Buy doesn't understand is this: They really made a name for themselves in the 90's by selling CD's next to their electronics. Walking into a Best Buy, one will STILL find a huge selection of "today's hits and yesterday's favorties". But buying CD's is so pre-Tower Records on 66th street closing. So some CFO looks at the figures and says, "Music is down 45% from 10 years ago. What gives Al?" Al says, "I dunno sir, perhaps people aren't listening to music anymore. I'll look into it." Al calls Charlene, his former temp with the huge ass, but the cute face who's image he used to jack off to while his kids were sleeping and his wife was out fornicating with the tennis instructor. Charlene now works for BMI records. Al gets her on the line, and she says, "Al, are you insane? People still love music. Probably more so than they used to. We're still making tons of money here. But not as much as we used to. We're used to fleecing the populace for a product at an artificially inflated price. And we would've gotten away with it to, if it wasn't for those damn kids, and their Napster or whatever it is they're using to download music". So Al asks his assistant Silvia what the HELL that all meant. Silvia, a recent Harvard grad with a spurrilous wit, tosses aside her golden blond locks that lay on the shoulder pad of her DKNY Clinton-esque pants-suit, and says, "Al, really? Today, with the advent of the internet, people are able to put music on their computers." Al, now frantic calls his son Toby. Toby is good with computers. Toby can't answer, because he's in school. But Toby showed Al how to "text". Remembering that "the Tobster" is in school during the day, Al shoots him a text which reads, "How do i doenlid musiv." Toby responds, "Lol. Get Napster". BINGO. Al's heard that word twice. Good enough for him! Little did he know that Toby only said "Napster" because he figured explaining to his dad AGAIN about how iTunes works, or god-forbid trying to explain Bit-Torrent would end up with him not allowed to watch the plasma for 4 days like it did last time he called his dad technologically-declined. So Toby figured Napster would be easy to explain and so he followed up with "google it". After 20 minutes of figuring out how to respond to a text to say thanks, Al fires up America Online. After reading the top headlines, he types into the search bar, "napster", and is eventually taken to a link to Napster's site. A few minutes of low intensity browsing go by. Several ads for porn pop up. Al clicks a few that feature secretaries with big asses and cute faces. Then he realizes that they monitor his work computer browsing. He's not sure how. He figures there's a camera in his office. Satisfied that Napster is indeed a way to download music based on all the things he's read on the website, and based on the number of hits for news stories he's seen (not paying attention to the date), Al makes the call to the CFO. "Jim, I've got your answer. It seems that people are upploading music off of the internet, and downloading it from CD's onto their computers, and then wirelessly on their... on their.... they have iPods." Jim listens intently. "Sounds technical. What do we do?". "Well," continues Al, now ready for his big reward, "there's a company called Napster that specializes in internets. They've got a store set up already on one of em. I say we buy them, and then people will do their music from us". "Brilliant. Al, I don't know how you keep up with all this, but you deserve a raise. Congrats". "Thanks Jim! I'm going out for Taiwanese whores after work to celebrate, you in?" "Can't tonite, Al, it's Jamie's Catilian ball. Lot's of underage ass around, wouldn't miss it. Think one of her friends is kinda into me." "Go get her, you old dog!"
I'm pretty sure that's about how it went. I guess what I mean to say is, BUYING OUTDATED TECHNOLOGY THAT SUCKS THAT NOBODY USES AND IS ESSENTIALLY THE JOKE OF THE MODERN TECH WORLD WILL NOT IMPROVE YOUR STANDING AS A TECH-SAVVY COMPANY. When you start advertising your new music store "powered by Napster", I don't think it's name-recognition will do you any good. Since it sucks. I mean, like 10 years ago, it was a name. Yeah. So I mean, you're right on track. Your company colors are the same as Blockbusted, I guess your business decisions are being made by the same monkeys. Enjoy!
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Ike Ike Baby
OK, so I went onto the world wide W today to look for some news about Ike. I'm a little concerned Selly is like right in the path of it down in H-town, so I wanted to get some news on the storm. After I got my fill on Google News, I went on over the CNN. Ya know, the most "trusted" name in news. Yeah. And here's the pic they posted of Ike's storm.
Ummm... That is the FAKEST thing I've ever seen. The dude is OBVIOUSLY holding himself up (notice the placement of his hands). Were he to be trying to hold on, both hands would be grasping the pole to prevent him from being blown back. This position allows him to support his body weight. FAKERS. I hate you.
Ummm... That is the FAKEST thing I've ever seen. The dude is OBVIOUSLY holding himself up (notice the placement of his hands). Were he to be trying to hold on, both hands would be grasping the pole to prevent him from being blown back. This position allows him to support his body weight. FAKERS. I hate you.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Real quick
OK, I don't really have the energy to dive into all the details of the latest epic move in the life of Gurf. Special friend awards to KC, Gflizo, Meadyfresh, and Isrea. You guys kick ass. Tomorrow will come a special diatribe on that whole thing.
No, this is a quick, one-off about a weird tech thought I just had. Basically, was on myspace, and doing a little be-stalkery, checking out some random chick's pics, and the first pic was the typical myspace artsy vanity shot. She looked great. The second and fourth pic were weird. Don't remember the third. But the two in question were both close-up head-shots. And the girl had a MASSIVE zit on her chin in both. Different sides each time. So two massive zits in a 4 pic span, which amounts to the totality of her herspace. Yeah. And the first thought that snapped into my sick mind was, "Photoshop girl, DAMN"... And I mean, it's fine... I have zits, you have zits, we all break out from time to time, but like, unless this is some chronic shit, and that's like the BEST it's ever looked, either A) find a pic where you're not breaking out, or B) airbrush the shit out of your ugly fucking face. Honestly, I spend my time looking at the finely groomed mugs of some of the world's hottest women. The LEAST you could do is TCB a little...
No, this is a quick, one-off about a weird tech thought I just had. Basically, was on myspace, and doing a little be-stalkery, checking out some random chick's pics, and the first pic was the typical myspace artsy vanity shot. She looked great. The second and fourth pic were weird. Don't remember the third. But the two in question were both close-up head-shots. And the girl had a MASSIVE zit on her chin in both. Different sides each time. So two massive zits in a 4 pic span, which amounts to the totality of her herspace. Yeah. And the first thought that snapped into my sick mind was, "Photoshop girl, DAMN"... And I mean, it's fine... I have zits, you have zits, we all break out from time to time, but like, unless this is some chronic shit, and that's like the BEST it's ever looked, either A) find a pic where you're not breaking out, or B) airbrush the shit out of your ugly fucking face. Honestly, I spend my time looking at the finely groomed mugs of some of the world's hottest women. The LEAST you could do is TCB a little...
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