The Second Thanksgiving

Everyone is always so focused on the FIRST Thanksgiving, when the semi-evil, arch-religious Puritans left Britain to practice their horrendously oppressive religion in the New World. Oh yeah, and oppress a whole new race of people (the Injuns).

But the SECOND Thanksgiving was the money one. You see, because that's the one where they had traditions. That's the one where everyone remembered how good FucksaMoose's cornbread stuffing had been, and how amazing RapesBuffalowithStick's turducken surprISE! was (hint: it's made with feces). Yes, it was the SECOND Thanksgiving, when the former Mayflower inhabitants told the story for the FIRST time, of the First Thanksgiving. So you see, really, it's the Second one that counts. That is why tomorrow, all across this nation of overeating racist hate-mongers, we come together, put aside some of our differences, and gorge ourselves on saturated fats and sweets. It's the SECOND one. Not the first. Fuck the first one. That shit sucked.

Think about it. The second time you cook a dish you've never cooked before, it's ALWAYS easier. The second time you drive to a new place, it's ALWAYS more familiar. So it stands to perfect reason that the second Thanx was the money Thanx.

Ok, I'm going to go gorge myself on Grandma's apple pie, various legs of various animals, and probably some sort of bread/onion/oil based concoction. Cluck Cluck, fuckers.