I almost forgot

I just got out of the shower, and now I'm blogging. If that doesn't scream "I'm dedicated to divulging the inanity of my inner-most thoughts" I don't know what does. If that conjures an image to you of a hairy, pasty Jew, running out in a towel to get to his laptop to share something with the world... you're almost right. I'm wearing boxers.

No I didn't run, but I did remember that there's a few things I totally forgot about Mexico. As I get ready to leave, here's few things I forgot to mention before:

Watching the Simpsons in Spanish is kinda sweet, but kinda a trip. Anytime they sing, it's in English, other than that, it's Spanish, with totally weird voices that really make me laugh, but in a weird way. It's still pretty funny, but a lot of the inside jokes get mis-translated. And they have no idea what to do with made-up words, like "avoision".

On my flight here I had a unique experience. First off, if you'll recall, I was still bloody from my spontaneous bleeding orgy in the Rochester Airport. On my flight from NYC to Mexico City, they served free alcohol. Now it IS an international flight, so I guess I shouldn't be that shocked. But it was free beer, and free medium shelf booze... Jack Daniels, a decent tequila I'd never heard of, etc. I was in love. And then they served an honest to goodness MEAL. Like Old School plane food. Except that it was good! Yeah. And Peanuts. Like AIRLINE peanuts. Yeah.

But the kicker was on my connection from Mexico City to Culiacan. The flight is about 48 minutes. You barely get off the the ground before you start descending. In America, this is the type of flight where they take your drink orders, and bring you a little plastic cup of water, apple juice, coke or whatever, but since they're trying to save dough, they don't even give you the whole bottle/can. Here however, not only was it a free-for-all on drinks again, but they served the ubiquitous "snack box". In America, this is the airlines' version of a "fuck you" to the customers in coach. While the first class cabin is dinning on venison sausage in a red wine reduction with diamond encrusted pasta, the people in coach (if they're not asked to BUY a snack box) are given something that looks promising, but never is. Usually filled with some sort of cracker, possibly a cookie, and something resembling compacted boogers in a tin marked, "Gouda", this "snack" is more of an enticement for you to buy whatever it is they now sell instead of giving you a meal. Well on my little flight to Mexico, they gave me a snack box. What it contained was a turkey sandwich. On fresh sourdough bread. With lettuce, tomato, swiss cheese and dijon mustard (not those little fucking mustard packets, but like pre-mustarded for me!). And it was delicious. And the thing about it is, I can't understand how the airlines here stay in business. Their flights are....HAHAHA.... Maude Flanders just said, "Piensate a los niños".... HAHAHAHAHA... sorry, their flights are CHEAP (like 25 dollars) and yet they come with so much. I don't get it. Could it possibly be that these giant corporations are trying to screw over the consumer? No, definitely not. Give em a tax break already!

Ok, so that was sweet... but check THIS out. I bought 7 DVD's tonight. And it cost $30. Yeah. Woulda been cheaper, but the two volumes of Kill Bill were 7 bucks each. And no, they're not bootlegs. For some reason DVD's are SUPER cheap here. But DVD players, tv's, etc are SUPER expensive... go fig... No real gems to report like my last excursion (when I got Plan 9 from Outer Space!!!!!!!), although I DID pick up two Woody Allen flicks, Very Bad Things, Some movie where Charlize Theron takes her top off, and the Anna Kournikova Workout Video. The last one, not because I want to "exercise along with Anna" so much as I kinda just want to have it in my home as a sort of "WTF??" conversation starter.

By the way, why does Eugene Levy still make horrid sequels to American Pie? Is he under like a 9 picture deal with the studio or something? I just saw an ad for some like American Pie movie that looked more like a bad National Lampoon's: Frat Boys are somehow trying to get laid movie.

And lastly, I'm looking for new digs. If you know of anything, hit me up. I don't need much, just like 8 bedrooms, 6 bathrooms, with a view of Central Park, and a separate kitchen for the support staff (wouldn't want them cooking their food near mine). Basically, Otisburg.

What the Fuck is Otisburg, you ask? Then you suck. Here's two hints. A hard one and an easy one. Choose your illusion.

Hard: L: When I was six years old my father said to me...
T: "Get out."
L: Ha ha. Before that. He said, "Son, stocks may rise and fall, utilities and transportation systems may collapse. People are no damn good, but they will always need land and they'll pay through the nose to get it! Remember," my father said...
Together: LAND!

Easier: L: "Oh, Lord... You gave them eyes, yet they cannot see." Nor can [he], through *lead*.
T: He... can't... see... through... lead!

Still Stumped? Our childhoods were VERY different. Maybe you're normal...