I Love Living in the Future

To borrow a phrase from my good buddy, Matt. But it's true. The future
is amazing. This morning, my cellphone alarm woke me up, and alerted
me that I had new email. And then I read the sports section. Of the LA
TIMES. In Texas. On my phone! The information age is truly
astounding. The plethora of news and entertainment that is constantly
at my fingertips is truly something to behold.

So in honor of how much I love being able to use iPhone again, and in
honor of the internets, I will recount a little tale about the first
time I experienced the www.

I think it was eighth grade. Al Gore had just finished inventing the
internets with his magical soy powered brain. I went to my friend
David's house. David had a 9600 baud modem (which was like about a ka-
gillion times faster than the 1200 baud dealy we had at home). Now my
dad had something called Prodigy, which did email I think, but the
whole thing was text based and I don't really remember it doing much
of anything except taking a while. Seth and I had been on BBS boards
(dragonsbane, fool!!!) before and Prodigy seemed kinda like the non-
porn version or something.

But I digress. David turned on his computer and opened a program
called Netscape Navigator. Now if you live in the future like me, you
may not remember Netscape, seeing as how AOL in February decided to
end all support for the company they purchased in 1998. And speaking
of outdated technology, who the FUCK still uses aol? I mean I know
that there was some chick I met once (I think at aspen) who's dad was
like the CFO or something, but I'm pretty sure even she knew Aol
sucked ass. That's the problem with old people and technology... Like
they don't understand when something starts sucking and they need to
do something else. I mean I've seen my first trumpet teacher go on
his new--ish MacBook, and proceed to LOG-ON to the fucking AOL brand
web experience presented by Pepsi. It is truly horrifying. Stop that
shit folks!!!

But I seem to have gotten sidetracked. So David and I open this
mysterious program and he proceeds to load the homepage of some
website. I don't really remember what it was. This precipitated a
lengthy q and a session where I tried to figure out exactly what he
was showing me. Eventually I kinda got it, and then he moved on and
showed me porn. Yep, even in 1994 the intertrons were teeming with
boobies.

But even at that young age, I was struck by how seemingly limitless
the possibilities (for porn) were in this strange new medium. And here
I sit, at an airport in Atlanta, telling you about it... From my phone!