Boxee

Is it just me, or does this seem like an incredibly good idea?  And with D-link coming out with an actual box, isn't it time we all gave a giant FU to the cable companies?  I mean shit we PAY through the nose for cable tv, we pay more for internet.  Why not cut out that waste?  I watch most of the tv shows I watch on the internet... and that includes the ones that are on regular tv (Pro tip: 30 second commercials on Hulu go quicker than 2.5 minute commercials on TV).  And we PAY too much for how slow our internet is, so we might as well get as much out of it as we can!    (Bonus material:  if you actually read that graphic, you'll notice that Japan has internet that is about 13 times faster than ours, but they pay 1/12 the price... NEATO)

So here's my thing:  Boxee seems like a pretty good solution (as is XMBC if you're on a PC) to what we all thought AppleTV was going to be (may in the future be?).  You can stream all the content (except the DRM-ed stuff that you better not fucking have, because if you do, you're probably an idiot, and idiots shouldn't read my blog, because they're dumb... you're not dumb, are you?) that you have on your harddrive.  So all of your music, movies and tv shows that you've downloaded (read: torrented), can be watched in crystal clear high-def on your plasma (you rich fuck, why don't you just pay for cable?)  And there's some pretty good integration with twitter and other social sites, and it streams hulu and such.  Great.  And you can install it on Mac OS X, Tiger, Windows, Linux, even this thing.  Neat.  And it's super user friendly and it's designed to use a remote so your ass can stay planted on your couch!  OK... so what's holding us back?

Well, the whole non-drm thing for one (read: no Itunes movies), and the fact that there's no browser on the D-link box for another.  That means you have to have all the content ON the computer you want.  I know a guy who watches tv shows online, sometimes even sports, which are live feeds from tv (I believe it's the "without express written permission" type of rebroadcasting that the major sports have been warning us about for eons).  He even watches shows from television that are redistributed via the intertron.  Now, in order for this to be streamed to the tv, the computer he's watching on would have to be hooked up to the plasma (you rich FUCK).  Anyways, not a deal breaker, but obviously it's a little more complicated than just plug and play.  Oh, and according to this NY Times article, it's actually pretty sweet and liberating.  And they were paying $140 a month for cable!!!!  What the SHIT kind of cable did they have?  I want that.  But I don't wanna pay for it.

So in summation, I think we're about ready for that paradigm shift folks.  Get your buzzwords ready.  The "ditch your cable bill" movement is poised... and I think the software and the hardware is good enough.  I don't KNOW if the infrastructure is there yet... I mean, I know that I don't REALLY mind watching poorer quality video on my computer.  But if it's blown WAY the hell up on my imaginary giant tv (read: mine = very much not flatscreen, and low-mid-def) I might see more of the artifacts.  SO..... dear internets: please make more tv better good.  Thanks.

Read up.  Maybe we should all make it so...

Guh

Should I blog?

Rant.biz

Seems like I'm always ranting about something. So here goes:

LA Times. I read your paper. For the Sports Section. Gotta follow my Lakers. And Dodgers. Not so much the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. Even the Calendar Section (for the Comics mostly) when I'm in LA. But for the most part, I'm reading the Times online. And OFTEN from my web-enabled mobile device. Read: iPhone.

So here's the thing. I think everyone knows the LA Times isn't exactly the "paper of record". No, that's the NY Times. And the LAT has been trying to be the NYT basically since it's inception. And with every paper redesign, everything from the typeface, to the sections' looks have become closer inline.

Except for the online version. The online version maintained a unique LA feel. White background, blue article headlines (links), plus black text article snippet previews, plus a unique CSS style. It was easy to read, easy to navigate. Good show.

That all changed. Yesterday I think. The website has been redesigned too look more like the NY Times. Even the logo has changed. Gone is the "L" white, on blue background. Replaced is a script "L" in white on a black background. Very NY...

Then there's the articles. Gone is ease of navigation. In its place is black headlines, with black text article snippets underneath. Take a look. Here's my trouble. I'm all for redesigns, if it makes the user experience better. This one does not. On a computer the subtle difference between headline size and article snippet is navigable. Manageable even. Look at the "Happy Birthday Magic" article. There's not even a writer cred separating the article from the headline. And while this isn't really a problem on my laptop, the trouble starts brewing on my phone.

It is EXTREMELY difficult on a reduced size screen to see the difference between the article and the headline. On the phone, it really looks like it could be 2 different articles about Ervin "Magic" Johnson. In fact, I have to actually tap on things to see if they are a link or not. FUCK THAT. The trouble with the Times Sports Page has always been that sometimes the names of the articles are the same or similar to the first line of the article. I think this has to do with the lazy intern who uploads the articles. Anyways, it pisses me the FUCK off that I have to actually SEARCH around a page for the article I want to read. Why implement an UI that is worse for the user? Mostly to fuck with me I think.

Fuck.

Just When I Thought I Was Out

In case you were caught unawares, Lackluster has changed its name. Apparently increasingly aware of its growing insignificance, "Blockbuster Video" has rebranded many of its stores "Blockbuster Media". What does this big change mean to you, the avid Gurftastic Blog reader, who surely hasn't ventured into a Lackluster in years on account of my rage, wrath, and ire? Well, not a lot, actually. But because I'm curious, and because I value my own opinions above the fate of the free world, and because I think you have the right to know, I did something that I vowed in this very space never to do again.

I SET FOOT IN A BLOCKBUSTER!!!

Now before you cry "foul" and start seeping feces out of your eyes, allow me to explain:

First of all, I had to get a movie for a particular occassion, and the movie had not arrived from Netflix in time. Secondly, I already knew the movie was not worthy of purchase. Thirdly, the other video stores in a 20 block radius that google described to me, did, upon inspection of their premisis, not exist. So I was stuck. So I walked into the BLOCKBUSTER Media™ "Rock the Block" store in the West 90's (rock the block being I think a corporate term for brick and mortar retail store).

*side note: re: technology
Blockbuster-

You may want to rethink this whole online presence thing... I mean, the first search I ran for "Bloclbuster Media rebrandind" returned 3 employee forums and NONE of your press releases about the big change. Just saying...*

Now some in the Lackluster employee forum sites speak of a fabled Dallas store that has a coffee bar, and lounge in it. Not quite so in the Manhattan branch. Here I was treated to what probably would've been had the Circuit Shitty merger have actually gone through. At the font of the store were 2 or 3 "home theater" displays. By this I mean, an over-priced flat screen tv, and a budget surround sound stereo system. With the proliferation of WorstBuy and other stores like it, I wouldn't think that anyone would actually consider buying a tv system from somewhere like Lackluster. But then again maybe the CEO is right, and people actually are going to the store to rent a movie for well over 5 dollars, only to be confronted with the quandary, "I have nothing to watch it on! Shit, maybe I should buy a tv". If this seems like a plausible scenario to you, I have a toothpaste blotch shaped like the Virgin Mary you may be interested in.

While I think that having a lounge/coffee shop may indeed increase traffic to a store in Dallas, I don't really see people thinking "Blockbuster" when they think "I'd love some caffeine". And I CERTAINLY don't think that selling tvs is going to prove to be a worthwhile endeavor. Let's face it, the peons who "work" at WorstBuy, are somehow still more qualified to sell you a tv than the clods who work at Lackluster.

So let's leave the fact that this is like the 11th worst idea in a row for Lackluster, and focus on the rest of the store. The MEDIA! Yeah!

What I found was that the majority of the store was made up of DVDs to BUY. That's right, two aisles of for purchase, two aisles of previously viewed (read: we are selling our overstocked items, help us triple our profit, please). Along all the walls are the usual 40 or so copies of "new releases", which in my estimation were mostly B movies, and about 4 movies that I was aware had actually been in theaters at some point.

There were three aisles of video games to rent, two to buy. Then there were four SHORT aisles for Action, Drama, Comedy, and Family. Yep. That was IT. Maybe I'm spoiled by the plethora of categories on Netflix (it's almost too much at times, and can get annoying, as most movies are over-categorized and relisted in at least 5 places), but this was a pretty sad showing. And because the aisles were cramped, the DVD's instead of being displayed by their covers, were stacked vertically, to be read by their spines. Yeah. You can imagine how much more of a intuitive, seemless customer experience that makes. It's possibly the worst idea ever. Customers have to bend down just to read what is on the bottom rung. Yeah. Awesome.

So while I relish the demise of Lackluster™, I can't help but feel sorry for the lonely CEO, CFO, and other corporate shills, sitting on their millions per year, tanking a company that is going to tank no matter what "innovations" they try. The proof is there. Blockbuster Video is DEAD. The Blockbuster brand is dead. It's like going to a Starbuck's for an alcoholic drink... it's weird, and nobody is going to do it.

Oh yeah, and umm, like, sorry it's been 6 months since I blogged. I was pooping or something.

Nerdy Rhapsody

Chiggidy Check it...

No sampling, all done using the vintage computers/devices.

Missed Me, Missed Me, Now You Gotta:

Sprain my ankle.

Yeah. That's right. Gurftastic went and pulled a "Gurf" and sprained the CRAP out of my craptastic ankle. First a brief history of the craptastic ankle, then a rundown of my stupidity, followed by a photodiary of the reprecussions...

I know I've been away a long time. So this post is coming mostly out of guilt. You're welcome.

For those of you who don't know my propensity for being injured, one Seth "browndumper" used to say of me, "if you stub your toe, you are really going to need some pills". I think that was also a dig on the fact that I took pills when I was sick. Seth was still on the "mom will mash em up in my ice cream" plan. He was 18. Still don't think he knows how to swallow a pill. But that's neither here nor there. It's more then.

So Sophomore year of college I sprained the crap out of my ankle while throwing a "Welcome Back" party for about 35 people in my dorm room. I was wearing some sort of Adidas sandals (remember the ones from the 90's that had the really thick spikes on them that were supposed to massage your feet while you walked, but really were just uncomfortable unless you wore socks, but who the fuck wears socks with sandals, well I guess you do, because it's the only way your feet won't fucking hurt wearing those stupid sandals? Remember those? Yeah I was wearing those. Without socks). And I was drunkenly standing in the hallways talking to a friend, when McJosh, from behind me says, "Gurf(tastic) what's up?" I turned. My ankles did not. I fell into a heap (which he then laughed at). Then my ankle ballooned to the size of a grapefruit. Then the hospital, the drunken phonecall home, then Binkley carrying my shit around for me for weeks, Thompson laughing at me at my first lesson that year, oh and crutches. Oh, and then the dorm mother, Linda Muse felt so bad for me (because it would take me like 30 minutes to get to class) she actually got me a wheelchair. So I did that for like 12 minutes before feeling like a complete goon, because I wasn't actually injured enough to warrant wheeling around in that thing. Yeah. So whatevs.

Flash forward a solid 10 years. I'm at the New Music Bake Sale this past Friday. And as it's on the top floor of this old church, and as the church is really crowded with all of NYC's new music and baked goods fans, and one of the ceiling fans wasn't on and the cord was too short, I thought it would be a good idea to clamber ontop of a few friends and switch it on. When DJSkram suggested I stand on his leg (along with Jacob, a buddy I teach with) while he kneels on one leg, I see nothing wrong with it. SO, I get up there, switch the damn thing on, and then in some sort of bastardized piroet, fall like nobody's ever fallen before and absolutely obliterate my ankle on God's floor. Destroyed.

Now I wear some sort of bionic boot, and can only do a very limited amount of walking. Which is not all that funny. But kinda funny. Considering what a douche bag I am. In any event, DJSkram was sure to point out as I hobbled out to get to the hospital, "What, you couldn't even stay to hear my piece? Thanks a lot". Then the cab driver was inexplicably a dick. Then Mandi bitched him out. That was sweet.

And now the long awaited photo diary:



This is the ankle at the hospital. Notice the grapefruit-like qualities.



This is the next morning. Notice the weird Tiger-Shark bruising. Also I should mention that the black toe is from a previous malady.



This is my foot today. The lighting is bad, but you can probably see that nowhere on my foot is the color of my skin, except for the tips of my toes.



This is the backside of my leg. Notice the Tiger-Shark motif, as well as the bruises all the way up to my calf. Awesome. On the plus side, I got THIS:




Meet my bionic boot. It makes me feel like a StarWars Stormtrooper. I think that if I had had this boot as a child, I would've created some sort of Super Hero character named Bionico or something, who inexplicably had a bionic foot. Sometimes, when I'm strapping myself in, I make all sorts of machine sounds, like the air suction sounds from Empire Strikes Back, when Vader gets his mask re-attached. Those sounds. Yeah. I'm a dork. It's all good.

All in all, not such a bad little weekend project!

Dear Hollywood: Watchmen Edition

Ok, let's take this slowly. We're still friends here, Hollywood. I went to see the Watchmen movie. Let me say THIS: You got it right. Almost. SOOOOOOO close.

First of all, the film was very faithful to the book (save the change of ending, which I suppose was necessitated by the fact that the end of the graphic novel was EXTREMELY out, and modern movie audiences "can't" handle too many story lines). The feel of the film, the cinematography, the selection of shots... the look FELT like the comic. This was great. The dialogue of course, was a little stunted, as is the case when comic book dialogue gets thrown onto the big screen. The acting was fair, and as is always the case when casting "unknowns", it's sorta a crap shoot. So the girl playing Laurie Jupiter was... well... she had great tits. I'll give her that. And when she showed her gams, that was fun. But when she talked or emoted, or any of the other things you expect an actor to do, it was terrible. I fully expect her to have an enormous acting career, specifically because people will go to a movie to see her naked, see her wear slinky clothes, and hope that she doesn't talk. And since the comic was so dense with so many story lines, it is only natural in a movie that nears 3 hours (but doesn't feel slow) that there would be need for leaving out SOME. Ok, so I accepted that going in. HOWEVER...

We have to talk about music, Hollywood. Let me describe to you what movie music is for. A movie score is best when you don't really notice it. It enhances the action/drama of the scene without your brain noticing "there's music playing now". It's the old adage of, if a horror movie is scary, turn the sound(track) off... it'll just look like campy bullshit (unless you're watching Funny Games, which has no soundtrack, and is scary as hell). What are some of the iconic movie scores, you ask? Try the original Star Wars. Great fucking score. Great theme that you remember after you walk out. Great incidental music that is intense as hell, and only helps the story. Like the fucking Ring Cycle of Wagner, here a series of leitmotifs are woven together throughout the entire series, linking characters with song in an AMAZING way. Another? Jaws. Those two fucking notes are scary as hell, and throughout the course of the film, whenever a hint of the shark, or a false hint that the shark is coming around, you get that iconic two note theme. Both John Williams scores... hmmm, funny. I could go on an on (like Saving Private Ryan, another Williams score, or other brilliant scores by Hans Zimmer, Jerry Goldsmith, or whatever, but that's not the point). With Watchmen, Hollywood, you decided to go in a different direction. Since this is a big "summer blockbuster" type movie, you decided to do a little cross-promotion. Just like when your girlfriend makes you watch "Four More Times Hugh Grant didn't do Something", where there is scant moment of minimal scoring combined with a KICK-ASS soundtrack full of familiar tunes and covers to be sold under the film company's record label, Warner Brothers decided to opt out of the gritty score-only format. Now the Tyler Bates original score actually serves the film quite well. More it's the SHAMELESS plugs of "period appropriate" music. Matt Marks already ranted pretty well on this topic, so let me just say this: You kinda get the feeling that the editor wasn't all that convinced of the music selection. I mean, the tunes were inserted literally in the most cliched of possible situations. And the editor didn't really fade the tunes in, or try to build them subtly. Rather, he just left em there. Blaring. And glaring. And that's EXACTLY what it sounds like when, I dunno, 99 Luftballoons... during a fucking RESTAURANT DINNER SCENE. WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING? And as ridiculous as it sounded, and as awkward as it was, YOU LET IT PLAY during the scene, not just to establish it. WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING? SERIOUSLY!

OK. Read Matt's blog. No need to rehash things. But HOLY CRAP did that ruin the movie. I mean, as I said immediately upon leaving the theater, "I hope when they release the DVD, they have anoption to watch it without the shitty cross-over music". Holy balls that's bad. Damn. I do wonder if there was some greedy Warners exec who was like, "We better include lots of these 80's tunes... our record partners have paid a lot of good money to get som shameless plugs". Fuck you, Hollywood. GodDAMNIT.

Dear Hollywood: Ruining My Childhood Fave Movies Edition

What the FUCK are you thinking Hollywood? I mean, I know that remaking old films is sorta all the rage, and like not having to create anything from scratch or have a substantive, original idea is like a goose that lays golden fucking script-filled eggs. But like, really, this shit is getting out of hand. It's bad enough that you took Transformers, my beloved robot cartoon show, and made it into a Michael Bay, Shia LaQueef debacle. Oh, and there's a sequel. It was bad enough when you decided to reboot the Superman franchise, although without really any thought to plot lines, or any real attention to like, I dunno, ANYTHING really... It was bad enough when you flirted with the idea of remaking Red Dawn and Top Gun.

But now you've gone and REALLY pissed me off. Clue: The Movie, was and is a brilliant piece of cinema magic. Tim Curry was flawless. Martin Mull was great, Christopher Lloyd was brilliant. Eileen Brennan, Lesley Ann Warren, Michael McKean, Madeline Kahn, Colleen Fucking Dream Girl of My Whole Entire Fucking Life Full of Wet Dreams About Her Amazing Fucking Titties Camp? All amazing. The writing is brilliant, the cast is wonderful... it's funny, it's smart, it's fucking great. It has three fucking Endings. THREE. What the fuck could be better than that? It's fucking CLUE. "Mr. Body's body... it's gone!"

Well no, know the brainiacs in Hollywood have chosen to defame one of my all-time favorite fucking flicks. Here's two paragraphs that really fucking scare me...

Hasbro has "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" and "G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra," both of which will be distributed by Paramount this summer. At Universal, Hasbro hatched "Stretch Armstrong," which just set Steve Oedekerk as writer; the Ridley Scott-directed "Monopoly"; "Candyland," which Etan Cohen ("Tropic Thunder") is writing for Kevin Lima to direct; and "Ouija," which is being produced by Michael Bay�s Platinum Dunes banner.

Verbinski followed the "Pirates of the Caribbean" films by directing the animated Paramount feature "Rango" with Johnny Depp.

"Clue" will be turned into a mystery that Blind Wink senior veep Jonathan Krauss called "A global thriller and transmedia event that uses deductive reasoning as its storytelling engine."

Not only are they making a fucking STRETCH ARMSTRONG FUCKING MOVIE, but they got some dude you directed Pirates of the fucking Disneyland RIDE: THE MOVIE to make this fucking schlock. It's gonna suck. It's going to make me want to march over there and beat someone up. Seriously. It's pissing me off and it's nowhere close to being made yet. What the FUCK Hollywood?? How can you mess with a movie that was fucking perfect to begin with? I mean... Jesus... take a look at Colleen Camp's tits again, and tell me you want to mess with that?

FUCK!

25 Things I Hate About You

Stop it. Don't fill it out. It's dumb. YOU know you're tempted. Don't do it. Yes, I'm talking about the "25 Things" craze that's sweeping Facebook. For those of you who don't know, the 25 Things is a list of 25 things about yourself that your friends might not otherwise know. Then you tag 25 friends of whom there is some significance in your list for each of them. Then they write a list. This is called a chain letter. For any of you who've ever passed one on, A) I'm still waiting for that email technology check from Microsoft, B) I think that the GAP really IS going to give everyone who passes it along $100, and so forth.

It's kinda like that movie, "10 Things I Hate About You", where they took "The Taming of the Shrew" and "updated" it for a modern teen audience. And by "updated" I mean, butchered The Bard's words, dumbed down the plot, and generally made life hell for me and anyone else who was forced by their then girlfriends to watch it. The 25 Things is kinda like that. Only shittier.

I can see how a girl would want to fill it out. It plays right into how they interract with friends. Observe: Carol ShamWow fills out her list...

"23. I still don't eat anchovies" This is an inside joke shout out to Carol's best friend from high school Sarah Cynthia Silvia Stout (who finally took the garbage out- and NO this is not about you SISTER, who by the way, I used to think was Sarah Cynthia Silvia Stout, and if you read HER 25 things, you might know why). Back when they used to be friends, they were at some pizza place and a really cute guy asked them if they wanted the rest of his anchovy pizza. They said yes of course, and then proceeded to try to eat it while they flirted with him. Hehehe! And instead of actually reconnecting with her old friend SCSS, Carol just tags her in her note, and the friend whom she hasn't seen in years is alerted when she logs onto Facebook. Now she feels obliged to A) respond to the shout out by posting something like, "Awww remember how cute he was? OMG! Did I tell you I'm an amputee now, and also I train loose seals?" And then proceeds out of some guilt process to write her own 25 things, so the chain isn't unbroken.

Next Carol— and keep in mind, she has a serious dyslexia issue, so don't make fun of her for writing the list out of order—writes, "14. I totally had an NKOTB poster on the backside of my closet in college. My roommate never knew!!" And then tags the roommate. Do you see how this works? This way, all the friends feel validated, and Carol ensures that people with whom she has a passing (at best) intimacy with feel as though they know her REALLY well now.

Dudes... I dunno. I don't know why dudes would ever fill that out. EVER. I tried tonight to come up with a list. I came up with 2 things.

So I present, The 2 Things. Don't pass this on. Don't do anything, really.

1. I fucking hate these sorry and mind-numbingly boring trivialities that the masses find entertaining. Grow a fucking synapse.

2. Fuck you for tagging me in this shit.


I feel like that pretty much sums it up. So please, please, PLEASE, America (and notice I used the Oxford comma, which I was instructed in school was NOT proper, but I've come to realize later in life, is, technically, perfectly proper, technically speaking), STOP THIS 25 THINGS THING. Are you really going to turn Facebook into a giant fucking chain letter? Really? Don't go down willingly... that is how we lost Myspace and Friendster... Are we all gonna have to join some new cheesy social networking site? FUCK.

/ rant

This is why

If you've ever wondered what the term "Rochester as Fuck" (RAF) for short... this is it. In a nutshell.

A Kinder, Gentler Gurftastic

Not really. But just wanted to point out a bit about the new Prez's first few days. Personally, I could gush and gloat here, but that's not really what this is all about. More that Obama is pretty shrewd. You'll remember the attacks of course. "Obama is a Terrorist", "Obama is going to be sworn in on the Koran", "Obama is a Muslim", "Obama went to a Madrassa school", "Obama wears women's clothes", "Obama has homosexual sex and smokes crack", "Obama will eat your babies", and so forth. Well yesterday, Obama gave an interview with the Dubai-based Al-Arabiya Network where he basically said, "America is not your enemy". But then he went on to highlight how he has Muslim members of his family, and how he has lived in Muslim nations. The very facts that Repubs shat themselves over for months, he now uses as a tool to appeal to those who would want to hurt us. Kinda smart. Kinda great. Gush, gush, gush.

On poorly lit porn

Seriously... come on. I mean, I appreciate the fact that you want to put your wang and your girlfriend's poorly shaven cooter on the intertron. I appreciate that you even convinced her to look up at the camera while she fellates you. I even appreciate the fact that you don't try to hide all the zits on both your asses. But like, I mean, if you're going to go through all the trouble of that, the least you could do is light the damn shot well. Shit.

And then there's the production porno with the bad lighting. What's THAT all about? I saw a video that was so washed out, the white balance was so bad that you couldn't tell where a white chick's body ended and the beige rug began. What the fuck is THAT? And yet you found this acceptable enough to release? REALLY?

Here's a question. Now that like just about everyone is getting their porn on the world-wide net, how are porn companies going to stay in business? I mean, I realize that all the free porn sites that are out there are recycling content, but someone has to be creating content. And who the FUCK is paying for that? That seems like a shitty business model, no?

Ahh!

Don't fuck this up... we all love you, and think you're awesome... please don't fuck this up...

Sir kit Shitty

Well, we all knew this was coming, right? I mean, any company that BLOCKBUSTER thinks about acquiring must be doomed to failure. I'm thinking now might finally be the time to get that big-screen tv and... umm... what the fuck else do they sell at Circuit City? And you wonder why they're going under...

Dear Old People: Facebook Edition

Dear Old People,

Thanks. It's really cute that you are trying, and I really appreciate it. You've even figured out how to post a picture to facebook. That's so cool for you. But here's the thing: Lately, I've been getting lots of friend requests from you "people". Not "you" people... Anyways, it's like this, you're old, you have a friend who's a musician. You somehow search something and my name comes up. We've never met, live in different countries, will probably never meet ever, and yet you want to friend request me. And you don't even bother to send me a note. What the fuck is that? Do you really expect me to get all excited and fucking friend you because you're old and you play a brass instrument in Italy? Really? Fuck you.

Bad idea

I get it. You like shitty movies and tv... I don't know why, but I GET that YOU like them. But the "He's Just Not That Into You" movie? REALLY? Look, it's got my dreamgirl, Scarlet Johansson in it, and she's really hot. I GET that... but it doesn't make up for the fact that this is a movie based on a book that was based on the advice of a tv show about over-the-hill skanks who can't seem to keep their legs closed long enough into a conversation with a man to figure out if he'd actually make a decent partner rather than just another shaft to fill their ever-widening acrid vaginas. And as if that wasn't bad enough, the trailer almost sadly points out how this movie must've been written about 2 years ago. Drew Barrymore is ooing or awwwing out of the side of her mouth about something (don't even get me started on how I don't like Drew Barrymore, or any side-mouth talkers for that matter... that shit pisses me the fuck off), and complains about how some dude sent her a myspace message. Then the prototypical asian gay dude says, "Myspace is the new booty call!". Booyah! Now we're in touch with today's youth! FUCK YOU. They probably updated the word "Myspace" from "Prodigy Online" in the original script that was written by someone with an "@aol.com" email address. Shut the shit up, Hollywood. Go fuck yourself.

Friend Requests

I have three friend requests sitting unanswered on my Facebook homepage. One is from a complete stranger with whom I have no friends in common. She has one picture up, some sort of bizarre model pic. And 50 some friends.

Then next is from some random girl I've never met in Vancouver, who is friends with ONE person I know.

And the last is from a guy who used to be a giant DOUCHE in highschool, as well as used to give me "noogies" as much as possible in middle school, because I was short and he had some sort of glandular disorder that made him tall and also stupid. And his dad was the coach of our basketball team. So when I'd complain, it sorta fell on dead ears.

None of these people I would consider a friend. But I'm looking for some sort of reader poll here as to who I should befriend. And I think I'm only going to friend one... it's time I started slowing down...

That's Funny...

Every now and again, something makes me chuckle. Not one of those half-hearted chortles you're used to hearing from the people you tell your inane knock-knock jokes to. No this is a real, ALMOST laugh. On occasion this turns into an actual laugh.

McSweeney's catalogue of hilarity is something that I've reveled in for a while. My mother actually turned me onto the collection with one of their short story compendiums, with greatest hits like, "Why does the Death Star Need a Trash Compactor?" That's a fucking brilliant essay, and it hits on both my geekiness and inquisitiveness genes. It's fucking brilliant. Well, so is THIS!

Religulous

Just watched Bill Maher's Religulous over at the Google video...



I'll give a brief rundown... While certainly not the most thorough evaluation of religion in society (and let's face it, every documentary ever seen is not exactly the most in-depth analysis... read the book, it's always better— yes MOM, I just wrote that), it is pretty funny, kinda out, and only a touch preachy. Well, kinda preachy. And totally takes a real scared-straight approach right at the end.

So the brief rundown is this... Americans are fucking idiots. Religious nuts are SUPER idiots. And all the major religions are dumb. And then there's Mormons. And Scientologists. And pretty much they're real dumb.

One interesting thing tidbit Bill touches on is the whole hierarchical structure of the Catholic Church... and ya know, how none of that was really set out by the teachings of Jesus or any of that... it was just sorta INVENTED by MAN afterward. Good times.

There's a lot I could go into, like things I'd wished he'd talked about, but again, it's just a documentary, not really like a Fast Food Nation expose. Anyways, check it out if you've got 2 hours to kill and you either know your faith will see you through, or you think you have no faith. Or whatever. I don't care. Is there a religion for apathetics? And don't go all flying pasta dish on me... even though I love that damn meatballed son of a bitch.