I see you

You can't fucking hide from me, Srimp dude. That's right, he's BA-ACK!!! That same bad haircut, and goofy goatee. That same annoying voice. Only this time, the "srimp" dude is schilling for KFC (formerly known as Kentucky Fried non-genetically engineered beak-less Chicken). It seems that KFC has a new "spicy bucket" of their "meat" that you can put in your body. Yeah, bucket of meat. Think about that for a second. Anyways, there he is, right smack dab in the middle of it. I haven't seen the whole commercial yet, so I dunno if he says something as inane as "That's the Kung Pao sauce for my srimp!" but I'll update you when I know... Boo on you KFC, poor casting choice.

Let's see... here's some random article about how porn is good for society. The author's conclusion (although it seems like a logical fallacy to me— A=B and C=D, so B=D because A might somehow be related to C, but probably not) is that RAPE is down nationally because of our increased access to porn. This obviously refutes the government studies that show just how evil porno is. I dunno. I find it hard to believe that people masturbate more so they rape less. Rape is less about sex and sexuality as it is about power and control. A man who rapes a woman (here I'm talking about a stranger, rather than a date-rape, which is partly something else) seeks less the sexual act of cumming (by the way, it's not spelled "coming" despite how corporate America wants to clean up the word), than he does seek to control/dominate/de-humianize/humiliate his victim. It's sick and twisted, but it's NOT just about getting off— although there is that. I think most people know that, but clearly this dude doesn't. Also he says, "Times have changed so much that some high school teachers of sex education are beginning to show triple-X porn movies to their students in order to depict techniques of satisfactory intercourse." REALLY???????

Remember the "Pick up the Phone" girls? Damn they were hot. There's this new commercial on now for Quest Personals. This smoking hottie gets on the screen and says (in her Candian accent), "Do you really think you're going to meet your soul-mate at a crowded club? Me neither, that's why I called 'Quest'." (Suspend disbelief here for just a second more, it's totally worth it) "You just call, and meet someone new and interesting every time. Flirt, have fun, no strings attached. Call Quest today!" Now forget the fact that no smoking hot hottie EVER calls a personals phone-line. Forget the fact that this ad is obviously geared towards lonely ass dudes who are about to spank it and go to bed in their parents' basement. Is Quest actually implying that you can meet your fucking SOUL fucking MATE by calling a fucking company and giving them money? REALLY? Like, REALLY??

Look at this for a second. Don't worry... I'll wait.

Sweet, huh? Check this one too... this kid is like 14 or something.

Now I'm going to tell you about the sketchiest night I've had in a LONG time. A certain teacher/mentor of mine lost his cellphone a few days back. Let's call him "T". He figured that it was somewhere in the house just chilling. Well last night, Bill called his phone, and someone picked up. I believe her name was "Fruittie". Bill told T to call his phone. He did. Fruittie told T, "I didn't know it was your phone, I bought it off some dude who found it at Wegmans". Yeah. So T offered to pay her $50 to get his phone back. This is where I said something like, "Why don't you just go to the Verizon store, which is OPEN right now, and get a new cellphone for 50 bucks, rather than give this chick money for STEALING you phone?" But "LOGIC" did not prevail. So at 7:30 at night, we hop in the car and the three of us head to what can commonly be referred to as the Rochester Ghetto— Where SKETCH and SKEEEEETTTTTCCCHHHHH come together. We wait. She's late. Bill calls the phone again, and notices that she's put some sort of wait and listen to this booty-shakin' song while I try that number (I think Verizon calls it "ring-back"). Eventually she changes the "meet" to a different place. Bill, incidentally wanted to bring a gun, and was convinced we were all about to get jacked. We roll up to some house, two super-sketchy dudes are chilling on the steps, one sketchy dude is chilling inside the house, and our girl comes on out. What's the opposite of ghetto-fabulous? Right, Crack-WHORE sheek. Yeah, really bad. She walks over to the car, still talking on T's phone, which I found to be an awesomely ballsy move. Anyways, I had reminded T to check the phone before he payed her to make sure his contacts were still on the phone— if they weren't, the thing was worthless and he might as well just go buy a new phone— which he did. They were not there. Not only that, but a leather case that was one the phone was no more. She said, "I bought it like that". Yeah. So T gave her $30 for his own fucking cellphone back. But we didn't die, which was sweet. We just rolled away.

Then the fun began. She started getting phone calls and text messages from people whom she'd told this was her new phone number. The first text said, "Luv u sweety but I gota have other hoes (yes he wrote "hoes" instead of "hos" but I'm pretty sure he meant "hos" as in bitches, not "hoes" as in yardwork) I dont want guana anyways". So Bill writes back, "Eat a dick bitch". So the dude writes back in what quite possibly is the best text message breakup line I've ever read EVER, "Thats smelly ass dirty pussy you got and you will never fuck me again by hoe keep your crabs in" AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's like the best thing I've ever read EVER! So that made the whole sketchy proposition worth it. It's too bad their young love won't live on forever, but it was bound to happen. Yeah. Awesome. So now T has his phone back, but with no phone numbers on it, and the potential for SKETCHY ass people calling his cellphone for the next few days. "That shit is BOOOO!"