La Chica

Ok, it's time we talked about La Chica FX. For those of you who don't live in Latin America, allow me to illuminate you, slightly...

La Chica FX is a show on the FX network. It's a competition. A model competition for women from all over Latin America. Every week (or episode or whatever) three models compete to move on or get sent home. Think American Idol meets Miss America. Only it's the swimsuit competition...

The show starts with the three chicas being introduced, and each comes out wearing some sort of lingerie outfit, and performs a seductive dance with a male partner. The judges then interview them about something (here the language barrier is in full effect, it's not just because my eyes glaze over and I start to drool uncontrollably, although that does happen). There's laughing and it seems like a good time. Now, you know how on most American "reality" competition shows (model shows in particular), the contestants get all bitchy and catty and have to live in a house with no electricity, and they can't use hair gel for a week, just so the producers can see which girl actually drinks blood? Well that doesn't happen here. Here, everyone appears to be getting along, and then they have a swimsuit fashion shoot on the beach (and they all have to do the Baywatch run with the little life-thingy... you know the run...).

I don't know about you, but when I watch models, well, model, I always wish they'd show their boobs or something... Yeah, they hook that up too. There's this "elevator cam" thing they do with a night-vision filter for some reason that I'm sure makes perfect sense, where the chicas each one at a time get into an elevator, and then they change outfits. And this for some reason involves them taking off their bras. Then they arrive downstairs, in a new outfit.

The show culminates each week with some sort of strip-tease dance that each girl gives before the judges render their final decision. From what I can tell, the one woman judge and two male judges base their decisions on who is the smokin' hottiest hottie that ever did hot.

And no, this is not pay-per-view. I think the competition awards the winner a million-dollar modeling contract. And I'm pretty sure that it's the most popular show in Latin America. And I think I know why. And yes, it's on FX, and yes that means ol' Rupert has his dirty little hands in it. And yes, I think it's the most genius thing I've ever encountered, and YES I wish that American censors weren't so fearful of us actually seeing a tit or hearing the word "donkey-raping-shit-eater" every now and then, for fear of corrupting our puritan ideals or whatever.

I actually find that aspect of the culture here very refreshing. There's an air of "who gives a fuck" to the lifestyle here that you just don't find in the US. Drinking in the afternoon? Fuck yeah. The A-Team movie is on every fucking nite (starring the bad-guy from Superman III)? Hell Fuckin' Yeah. There's a boob on TV? So what? It's a boob. I've never really understood the whole "network censorship" thing, and I certainly never understood why cable networks also had censors (since you pay to access the content, rather than receive it free, like broadcast TV), but I digress. People here do what FEELS good. Yes, there's a TON of Catholic guilt, don't get me wrong. But they also take a 2 hour lunch break, and go home and take a siesta. They take half-hour breaks during orchestra rehearsals. They play softball in the middle of the afternoon on a workday, because they want to and somehow they make it happen.

And a final word on the A-Team movie: Try to absorb the magnitude of what I'm about to say, because you see, I've watched a LOT of shitty movies in my life. Breaking from the formula that made the show so awesome, the A-Team movie ditches: the guys weld crap to the outside of the A-Team van, and let BA drive it somewhere + help some poor family being harassed by random warlord X, for a more self-centered: A-Team has to make nice with a dirty General to save themselves from a death sentence, and ends up having to save him from some other dude who wants some sort of Russian jet for some reason, and there's no A-Team van for some reason, and the music is all synth instead of acoustics. The details are a little fuzzy, as I've only seen parts of the movie. But I mean, it's TERRIBLE. LIKE REALLY FREAKING STINKIN' AWFUL. Like, it is potentially one of the 3 worst movies I've ever seen. So if you're in Mexico, and you happen upon this gem, you have been warned.