What the Fuck, Norm???

My return trip back to Rochester was particularly uneventful. The weather was clear, the air was crisp, and I didn't get a speeding ticket. But about a half hour from town, I happened upon something curious on the AM radio dial. It was the voice of Norm Macdonald. He was interviewing a woman. Her voice sounded oddly familiar. Turns out, he was interviewing Ann Coulter (better known as EVIL).

Now maybe I'm just behind on the times, but Norm (whom I love from Weekend Update days) was joking with Ann about how neither of them can watch the "new" Bill Maher show on HBO. Ann contested that Bill hates his own audience, because they are "stupid", and Norm said it "lost something" from when it was on ABC. Then Norm said, "I don't know why the Democrats keep talking about how dumb Bush is. I mean, he may be dumber than like, other Presidents, yeah... he's certainly a lot smarter than, ya know... like most people." That wasn't a joke by the way. Ann chimed in, "Yeah, he can't be that dumb if he keeps kicking their asses!" Then Norm profusely thanked her for being on the show, and took some calls, most of which were cock suckers who espoused their love of Norm. On guy from (where else) South Carolina said, "Dude, you shoulda asked Ann out. She totally wanted you!" Wow. I was perplexed. I mean, Norm's Canadian... so I thought he might have the sense to like, not be a whore for the man. Turns out he was subbing for Dennis Miller on his daily radio show. I didn't even know fucking Dennis Miller had turned all talking head, but it turns out, he even has a weekly segment on the O'Reilly Factor. So my head's reeling, and I'm not drunk, so I know this is bad. Then it was time for a news break...

The station I was listening to was WYSL 1040 am. They are affiliated with Westwood One and I think also ABC. Anyways, the first local Rochester story was about the new school Superintendent for Rochester public schools. The story was about how he spent the day going to classes and mingling with students at some school to try to get a better idea of what the state of the schools are. The story capped off saying that the new guy was optimistic for the future, despite the fact that Rochester City Schools graduate LESS THAN HALF of all students enrolled. LESS THAN HALF. All of a sudden, RAF is starting to make a lot more sense. Knowing that a radio station willing to put Ann Coulter on the air could possibly be "dubious" in it's reporting, I fact checked them. Here is the actual Rochester City School District Accountability Report, which very clearly states that 2007 had a graduation rate of 49%. Holy FUCK!

The next story was about a man who last summer went to Mark's Texas Hots (24-hour diner, home of the "Sloppy Plate") and drew a shotgun, intending to shoot the bouncer (for those of you wondering why a diner that doesn't serve alcohol needs a bouncer, you've never been to Rochester, and you never should go) he accidentally hit and killed some other dude. The story was about how his lawyers are challenging the legality of the police search that turned up the murder weapon. What got me, other than the fact that I used to be at least a weekly fixture at Mark's with my boys, was the way the story was presented. "For those of you who don't remember (guy's name I can't remember)" the announcer began, "he's the thug who's accused of using a shotgun at Mark's Texas Hots with the intent to kill a bouncer, but accidentally shot (name of victim who I can't remember), fatally wounding him." He's a "thug". So much for innocent until proven guilty in a court of LAW. But here's the thing, I already knew that I was listening to a biased radio station, so I like almost didn't even notice it until it had already gone by. But then I was like, wait, that's fucked up! I mean, should not he have been referred to as "the man police accuse of blah blah blah"? Yeah. I think so. And if I was his lawyers, I'd be all up in arms about tainting the jury pool. Of course, we all know the Gurftastic blog is always up in arms about taints. But I digress...

So I turned off the radio, thinking I'd heard enough RAF for a moment, when I happened upon a guy with a 9/11 conspiracy poster standing alone on a street corner. His sign read, "9-11 was a inside job". I opened my window and yelled, "an" but I don't think he understood.

So I ask you America, what the FUCK? I mean I know that most of upstate New York is for some reason super conservative, even though the conservatives in this state and the country for that matter keep screwing over impoverished upstate, so it's no surprise to me that the only am radio up here is Jesus and Rush, but really Norm too? I need a vacation. Or a vocation. Either way. Some sort of cation is in order. And not the positively charged ion kind either.