Why Guys Like Porn (short version)

Ok ok ok. Everyone calm down. Now let's just get this thing out in the open, and then we can all go back to living in shame.

Guys like porn. Men and women are different in a variety of ways (Matt... I promise I'll explain what goes where on NYE), but none more fundamental than their mode of reproductive urges. Men are hardwired to try to spread their seed. Women are hardwired to seek out the best mate for the propagation of the species. You can see it in nature. In our primate cousins (don't bother reading further if you don't believe in evolution or at the very least, Flying Spaghetti Monster-ism). You can see it in dogs. You can see it in how horny dudes are. That's right ladies, no matter how much your dude loves you, and he does honestly, there is an innate desire within him to do it with as many chicks as is possible... his seed must live on! Society has decided that pornography is inappropriate and to be shunned. In a lot of ways, this blog is pornographic, in that it's offensive, and perverse. And I may or may not be wearing pants right now. But let's look back at porn for a second:

Ancient Greece: Thursday, 7:48 pm. Horatio arrives at the sex party that his friends Horace and Helen are having. Horatio knows that tomorrow he takes his apprentice, Hortence out for that "initiation" ceremony that all mentors love (and mentees fear), and wanted to ensure he was... UP to the task. So Horatio strips naked like the rest of the 20-some party goers, and ties a little piece of string around his wangsticle. This he notes, is to signal that he is not "participating" tonight. So how does Horatio occupy his evening? Well, he WATCHES all his friends wife-swap, and do "butt" stuff and whatever else those sick Greeks could think of. And Horatio watched. And thus porn was born. Although probably sometime in history before that somebody watched somebody else bone.

Flashforward to the present. Now back in the day, there was no stigma associated with looking at porn. Today it is like a dirty little secret. Well, here's the thing. Guys like porn. I'm just talking about the average, run-of-the-mill stuff. Naked chicks. Not the like triple-anal-ball-gag-ground-beef porno. That can only be explored in "Why Guys Like Porn (long version). A guy looks at porn and has a momentary fantasy. A guy looks at porn and thinks about boning some chick. Every time a guy walks down the street and sees a girl, he instinctually ponders, "what would it be like to fuck her", even if it's only for a second. Porn affords guys the ability to "fuck" a virtually unlimited number of girls. A guy can have sex with a different girl anytime he wants to. That doesn't mean that he doesn't love you, ladies. It doesn't mean that he doesn't respect you. He is satisfying this instinctual desire in the healthiest way he knows how... sheer fantasy.

So here's the deal: Guys look at porn, not to get ready to cheat on their significant others (although this sometimes happens, admittedly), not because they are unsatisfied with their sex-lives, not because they want to be with someone else. Guys look at porn, because it's in their nature to LOOK. When a guy cheats, that's different. He's broken a promise he's made to someone else. But when a guy fantasizes about some slut in a magazine, he does so so that he doesn't have a need to stray from you. He does it because guys are always naturally curious... is the grass greener? Or shaved? So don't condemn a guy because he likes to LOOK. Shit.